Thoughts

First week back in Cyber after 5 weeks of holiday. Coming back was a little tough for me again. Those 5 weeks of break, being home with my family, spending more time with my church friends made things even harder for me. I became passionate for my youth group once again. It’s been a long time since I really felt excited about serving in the youth, more like since I gotten into MMU I got too preoccupied with my life over here, CF, assignments, new friends…. neglected some things back there…. personally I find this hard on myself too… I feel the weight of balancing two different lives, each with different focus, priorities, responsibilities and even friends. However I'm still surviving through by God's grace although I do break down from time to time. First week of 2nd sem was a lil hard for me... coming back here made me feel compared once again. Looking around me, and seeing how much knowledge and talents my other coursemates have makes me wonder if I will survive through this course. How I wish God would just send people to help me through...... Starting this sem, 4 to 5 people came to me and told me that I don't look as happy as I used to be...... Do I??? I see myself as being the same. What do people see about me that I don't see about myself? I wonder........

I've been recalling flashes of past hurts, hurt so badly that I feel so afraid of being hurt once again by the same person... I'm afraid of being close with this person again, cause when I choose to care, I find myself getting hurt once again. Maybe I should stay distance... I don't want to be blame for whatever that turns out wrong. I don't want the impact of my words and actions to break you, I never intended it that way.... I don't want to be expected to be perfect cause I'm not...

Things that has been happening lately made me question myself 'Do I care too much about people? Do I overdo caring about the opposite sex?' Sometimes I just don't know when enough is enough. I need to draw the line on how far I should care for a person especially the opposite sex. But I thank God that I am still able to keep my stands eventhough I'm tempted not to sometimes. Thank God for wisdom.. :)

~Living a modest life in purity~